I read this article about the dos and donts when visiting the graves of ancestors during Ching Ming Time. Do give it a read as it is very interesting.
Show of respect: Don’t trample on hell currencies at the grave site.
QING MING ETIQUETTE
A look at the taboos, superstitions and beliefs surrounding Qingming which is being observed between March 26 and April 15 this year.
Wrong side
THE Chinese practise ancestor worship because they are driven by filial piety to care for the souls of their departed loved ones. Sons venerate their departed parents and paternal grandparents, while daughters venerate their father’s side before marriage and their husband’s after marriage. However, some Chinese families refuse to allow married daughters to worship their departed parents and ancestors for fear that they may “take away” the sons’ fortune.
Family unity
The Chinese believe that the entire family should go together to perform prayers at the grave site to foster closer ties. Some feel that if the family members go separately, there may be discord in the family. There is also a belief that the person who secretly goes and worships ahead of the others may be more blessed and enjoy prosperity. On the other hand, those who neglect to play homage may incur the displeasure of the ancestors and risk getting punished.
Law of attraction
Visitors to the graveyards wear bright colours rather than dark colours like black which may attract evil spirits. Pregnant women, babies and toddlers are discouraged from visiting graveyards for fear that loitering spirits might take advantage of the physically weak, hoping to snatch their souls. Young children who accompany their parents are cautioned against making too much noise, thus disturbing other spirits.
To eat or not to eat?
It is common to see families partaking of food served as offerings to the departed. However, some are dead set against consuming such food for fear of incurring the anger of the dead. They feel that food offered to the departed should be left behind as a show of sincerity. But others disagree with this notion, and will happily tuck into the food later in the hope of getting blessings and protection from the dead. Some families place joss-sticks on nearby graves as a goodwill gesture to invite the “neighbours” to join in.
Gifts to the underworld
Worshippers are careful not to stir paper offerings which are being burnt, so that the deceased will not end up with a dented car or damaged house. Crates of gold notes and hell currency sent to the deceased must bear the names of the sender and recipient, or they may risk being taken by others.
Wake-up call
Visitors to the grave sites sometimes let off fire-crackers as a “wake-up” call for the spirits. After leaving the offerings at the tombs for some time, the worshippers flip coins twice to check on the progress. Two heads or two tails means that the spirits have not finished savouring the delicacies. A head and a tail means that they have finished their meal.
Kleptomaniacs not allowed
If you see an umbrella on the grave, leave it alone. Don’t even think of borrowing it to keep the sun or the rain out. The umbrella is a symbolic shield for the dead from the thunder and lightning. The visitor who takes the umbrella risks inviting the spirit to his home. Similarly, coins found on cemetery grounds should remain on the ground as it is believed that they belong to the spirits.
Watch your step
The living should avoid stepping on hell currencies at the grave site lest the spirits feel despised and trampled upon. It is also forbidden for one to walk over or tread on someone’s grave. Old Chinese cemeteries are rather crowded with narrow walkways between graves. If you need to cross over a grave, it is customary to say: “Excuse me. Pardon me for crossing over your abode.”
Forbidden fruits
A banana tree marks the grave of a pregnant woman who died in childbirth. As the banana tree is fast growing, it is planted to appease the spirit of the dead. The belief is that when the tree bears fruit, the spirit will be comforted as the banana is symbolic of a new child to take the place of the woman’s unborn child. It is forbidden to pluck the banana as this may cause anguish to the spirit and incur her wrath.
The pineapple is regarded as an auspicious fruit to usher in luck (ong lai in Hokkien means “luck comes”). The fruit is offered at the grave site and then taken home. The fruit can be eaten but the crown of the pineapple is often planted in the garden. Some believe that by doing so, the family will prosper.
Call in the contractors
Cracked tombs must be repaired or misfortune may befall the next-of-kin or future generations. Similarly, water-logged graves are bad feng shui and must be renovated to avert bad luck and misfortune.
Curiosity kills
When scrutinising the tombstones of strangers, do not pass comments like: “Oh, what a pity he died young”. Or, “Isn’t she pretty?” Such remarks may be misinterpreted by the spirit which may follow you home.
Fire or water cleansing? Before visiting the grave sites, some Chinese would place pomelo leaves and sprigs of pine in their pockets. These leaves are believed to serve as talismans. The leaves are thrown away before the worshippers reach home, to shake off bad luck.
Shoe code
Slippers and sandals are not worn to the grave sites. The Chinese wear shoes, and when they reach home, they would remove the socks and shoes and wash them to get rid of bad luck. They do not want to bring the earth from the cemetery into their homes for fear that they may attract evil spirits. Some will prepare a pail of water with immersed pomelo or kaffir lime leaves to wash their faces, hands and legs. This is followed by a head-to-toe bath as a second cleansing to ward off any evil spirits that may have followed them home.
SOURCE: http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2010/4/1/lifefocus/5935612&sec=lifefocus
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