BEARING MY OWN CROSS

I was educated in a convent school and though I am a Taoist, I was exposed to a lot of stories from the Holy Bible when the Sisters taught the non-Catholic and non-Muslim students during Moral lessons. The most poignant was the crucification of the Lord Jesus Christ. Before he reached Golgotha, the Son of God was made to carry His own cross which was made from olive wood. According to the nuns who taught me, the heavy cross He carried was symbolic of the sins of man and in actuality Jesus bore the cross for mankind.

In 1991, the gardener of the school that I was teaching asked me for help. He was about 25 years old at that time and was married to a 30 year old widow with a 12 year old daughter. They have two young children of their own at that time as well. It was the beginning of the school year and he had not enough money to buy a school uniform and shoes for his stepdaughter who was entering secondary school. He said that he did not want to borrow money from his own parents as he did not want them to worry. He told told me that as children we were the ones responsible for looking after our parents and we should try not to make them worried about us or make them unhappy. I am not relating this story to show off that I lent money to a friend in need but to say that the advice he gave me stuck until today.

I would usually not tell my parents even if I become very ill or meet with some very heartbreaking situation. I just keep it to myself and somehow or other with the help of my good friends and God's Grace I am able to tide through. My mum has done a lot in bearing me, giving birth to me and raising me. For your information, I did not tell her or my aunt about my unhappiness over my book. I went on as usual yesterday and today. I took them to the Pasar Malam last night and brought them shopping at TESCO and JUSCO this morning. (See all the lovely pictures of us posing next to the Christmas decorations at the shopping mall). Like my friend, I would want to bear my own cross. I don't want my mum's and aunt's blood pressures to hit the ceiling if they find out that I am so unhappy and worried.